Different Animal Verses from Swinging on a Star as sung by Bing Crosby (in priestly garb) in “Going My Way”
(chorus remains the same)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTUKHMlbYGA

Would you like to swing on a star
carry moonbeams home in a jar
be better off than you are
or would you rather be a rat?

A rat is an animal that hides in a hole
to reproduce is his only goal
In the dark he scurries all his short life-span
gathering crumbs so he can feed his clan.
But if you like to run around like that
you might grow up to be a rat

Would you like to swing on a star
carry moonbeams home in a jar
be better off than you are
or would you rather be a bear?

A bear is an animal with big furry paws
he wakes up when winter snows have thawed
He scarfs down berries till his belly’s fed
but then he yawns and goes right back to bed.
If life between long dreams is all you dare
you might grow up to be a bear.

Would you like to swing on a star
carry moonbeams home in a jar
be better off than you are
or would you rather be a skunk?

A skunk is an animal whose body can spray
a musk with an interesting bouquet.
He side-steps trouble but he’s all alone
’cause no one wants to smell his rank cologne.
But if you like to stew in your own funk
you might grow up to be a skunk.

And all the monkeys aren’t in a zoo
every day you’ll meet quite a few
so you see it’s all up to you.
You could be better then you are
you could be swinging on a star.

And here’s a parody using comic strips instead of animals:

Would you like cartoons to be smart,
Duly notice humorous parts,
See somewhat passable art,
Or would you rather read Mark Trail?

Mark Trail is a naturalist who lives in the woods
where squirrels grow much bigger than they should.
When poachers steal a friend of his’ pet bear
his right hook knocks away their facial hair.
And if you like a plot that’s pretty stale
you might decide to read Mark Trail.

Would you like cartoons to be smart,
Duly notice humorous parts,
See somewhat passable art,
Or would you rather read Gil Thorp?

Gil Thorp coaches Milford boys at Varsity sports
they toss balls as Marty Moon reports.
Explained inscrutably with play by play
disjointed figures pose in awkward ways
But if you like your limbs and lingo warped
You might decide to read Gil Thorp

Would you like cartoons to be smart,
Duly notice humorous parts,
See somewhat passable art,
Or would you rather see the Keanes?

A Keane is a melon-head that makes awful puns
their circus is anything but fun
As Bil stares blankly at his noxious brood
they blithely mangle pointless platitudes
But if you lived through 1917
you might not mind the family Keane.

It looks like Funky found a new lump
Marvin took a big stinky dump
old Ed Crankshaft acts like a grump
I’m not demanding high class art
just give me something somewhat smart.